Don’t be alarmed if I am writing too much these days. I write often. I just don’t share often. This is the first time I am making a conscious effort to share and to organize these rambling thoughts in my head.
I failed. A lot. And I ponder why.
I would start a website and a blog. I would have a few entries. And then I lost interest, aka failed at sustaining a blog.
I would want to start a YouTube video. I made one video. And that’s it. I stopped there.
I would want to write a book on something, anything. A few pages in and I ran out of ideas on what to write.
This kind of failure had happened to me ways too many times that I saw a pattern, and I would know in advance that I would “fail” as I simply know my interest won’t last.
And I continued to fail, a lot more than anything I would consider a small achievement.
But the coin turned recently and I felt that I’d reached an important lollipop moment. I think I’d embarked on a huge mystery and misery of my life – understanding why I failed often.
Here comes the secret. The issue was that I wasn’t aware of my REAL intention when I embarked on these “goals”. I assumed and thought what I wanted to achieve with these “goals” and “projects” is to improve myself, learn, and experience. As it turned out, when I looked back, I suddenly realized my real INTENTION was to seek attention and external approval. When I didn’t get what I intended to receive, I stopped committing to do my action. These intentions of mine weren’t wrong or incorrect. As humans, we seek attention and accreditation from others. However, they are not suitable if one is seeking a sustainable motivation to reach a goal. As I am not simply a genius, my journey to achieve a goal would take a lot of practice, and seeking attention wouldn’t give me that practice that I need to reach my goal. Therefore, realizing that being aware of my intention for certain action is critical to the process and outcomes, I am more confident in making a decision to do or not do something by assessing if my intention is integral to me as “my self” or is able to sustain my interest in the process.
This process of self-exploration gives me so much insight about my thoughts, actions, my subconscious and conscious self. Thousands of authors out there might have screamed in their books about the importance of INTENTIONS. However, I chose to ignore them or I simply didn’t know where to look for the answer. Now, equipped with this new empowering tool, I feel calmer and more at ease knowing that it all starts with me, success or failure, how I define the intention and the scope of a goal, and how I learn from the experience.
I choose to end this blog here as I have shared what I intended to share.
Good night!
December 15, 2022